I’m writing this article to reach out to those of you who may be struggling with the forgiveness of a parent. I know at times they’ve hurt you or betrayed you, but know that with the power of Jesus all things are possible!
One of the most vivid memories I have as a child was when I was 7 years old. It was the night that my parents split up. My Mom was pouring a huge pile of dog food on the porch while my brother’s and I waited in the car. I remember wondering why the dogs would need so much if we were coming back that night. As we drove down the dark desert road we asked our Mom where we were going. She replied that we were going to stay with our grandparents in Colorado. We all began to cry and plead with her that we didn’t want to go without our new bikes. As I looked back at our home and the pile of dog food I had no idea what was really happening that night.
After that day my Mom continually felt the need to tell us how horrible our Dad was and the terrible way in which he had treated her. I personally didn’t witness any of this mistreatment and therefore began to resent my Mom and blame her for taking my Dad away from me.
My Mom remarried within a year and her new husband had taken on more than he could handle. My 2 brothers and I were not going to let a new man take Dad’s place, and we made sure to let him know that. Combine this fact with his temper it made for a hostile living environment. My older brother had been thrown into a wall, which left an imprint of his spine, and I had been given a bloody nose twice. In each instance we were blamed and my older brother and I were eventually told to go live with our grandparents. My heart was broken and I felt betrayed by my Mom for choosing her husband over me.
After a year, I went to live with my Dad in California and the resentment toward my Mom continued to grow. I began to say negative things about her as she went through another divorce to her third husband. Each time the man was blamed and each time I began to despise her more. It was hard to talk to her because I could tell she was angry with me as well for going to live with my Dad.
It went on like this for years as she went through a fourth marriage and began to drink heavily. My brothers and I began to make fun of her and the mistakes she had made. It was hard for us not to, because it seemed as if every time we were around her for a prolonged period of time she would end up hurting us in some sort of way.
I began to pray a few years back for God to bring forgiveness into my heart towards my Mom. I would put effort into restoring our relationship, but every time it would end up bad and I would be mad again. The bitterness was deep in my heart and remained that way until 2 a.m. this Christmas.
I awoke from sleep thinking about my son Jeffrey Lee II and how he always ran to me smiling with a heart full of love. This thought remained in my mind for a few minutes and a smile began to form on my lips, and then the thought hit me. It was as if God had opened a door to a new way of thinking. It occurred to me at that point that I was once my Mom’s little Jeffrey running to her with a huge smile and heart full of love. I thought about how much it would hurt if my ‘Little Jeffrey’ had the same thoughts and feelings about me. It would crush me!
That morning I texted my Mom and told her what I had been thinking about and that I loved her and thanked her for the life she had given to me. She replied that my words had made her cry (with happiness) and that she could still see my smiling face as a kid.
Although there is work to be done in our hearts, I know that it was a beginning. I plead with you to reach out to God and ask Him to work on your heart so that you too may begin to mend a relationship with a parent. Just remember that at one point YOU were their ‘Little Jeffrey’. God Bless.Jeffrey Brandon Lee
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